"His"

(a prayer for my kids)
by abraham lara*

(that you may be)

confident in His might
full of His grace
flowing in His gifts
experiencing His people
living in His joy
showing His love
believing His promises
knowing His mercy
encouraged by His voice
obeying His Word
following His steps

// today i'm thankful for:
1. "closing night" tomorrow
2. strawberry/banana milkshakes
3. beginning community (next thursday)
4. daffodils
5. clean rooms

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* this was written at our recent Parental Guidance Required class when asked what we envisioned our kid's spiritual lives to look like when they are adults. the above is what i wrote.

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shameless plug and a promise (updated)

[UPDATE: added a sentence of clarification at the end of my 'shameless plug' and i put my "promise" in bold since it wasn't clear to deb what my promise was.
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as if it wasn't super obvious . . . yes, i've become a christianbook.com 'affiliate' member. which basically mean's i'll be posting links to items i've been reading, listening to, or viewing, and/or using lately that is sold on Christianbook.com. if you've never heard of the site, it's basically the "Christian" equivalent to amazon.com. they truly do have lots of great stuff at great prices. in fact i recently orderd the 'creating community' book listed as well as other materials. and it was even cheaper than ordering it directly from the North Point Store, even though i had a 10% off promotion code for the northpoint store. (northpoint ministries is the creator of the material!)

and now if you click on the links or start a search from my site instead of their site directly then i get an "affiliate" commission. so order away, or even better get your church to order it's materials via my link! (oh and in case you're wondering, it doesn't add to the price of your order in order for me to receive my commission, they just give it to me if the order is initiated by the links at the right. okay, enough of the shameless promotion and advertising!

and now the promise.

i've been thinking a lot recently and have lots more to write about but it's already very late and deb's already called me from home (after her play performance) so i should get going, but i'll definately write more tomorrow.

oh and then deb's final performance is on saturday (i'm taking the girls that day)!!! yipeee!!!! i get my wife back!! the kids get their mom back in the evenings!!! it's a win-win for everyone!

oh and, you guys write a lot! i mean i know i used to check a lot of blogs, but since i'm not reading any of them anymore i just see the "unread" posts tally just keep going up. i hope you're not writing to me specifically or hoping i'll leave a comment on some post. because i'm not reading them. you'll have to just directly email me "abelara {at} gmail {dot} com" or actually talk to me! :)

i guess i've got a lot of reading to do come june. :-)


// today i'm thankful for:
1. spring break
2. palm sunday
3. easter sunday
4. cousin camp
5. my sexy wife (the nun)!

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the 3rd place (and 4th)

if you haven't read "Off Road Disciplines", go ahead and order it today.

in that book one of the concepts that he writes about is "the 3rd place". if i recall correctly he borrowed the idea from someone else, but the premise is that people want a "3rd place", a community to be a part of. everyone has a 'home' (1st) place, and a 'work' (2nd) place, but they want that "3rd place". a place away from work stuff and home stuff.

for some people that becomes a bar, such as the hit show "Cheers". for others it becomes a coffee shop, as in "Friends" or "Sienfeld" (yes i'm dating myself). or maybe a hamburger joint, as in "Saved by the Bell" (okay now i'm really dating myself). and then yet for others it becomes the church, as in . . . okay so there's no sitcom with that example. and for others that 3rd place is myspace, facebook, or some other online community (blogging). (there is another option: where people choose not to be in a 3rd place - a community. instead they retreat to individual activities: painting, running, gardening, knitting, etc.)

now as a church staff member (and specifically as "small group ministry" being a part of my job description) i would like to see small groups or the church be that 3rd place for people. the place they feel "where everybody knows your name". the place they build relationships together, share life together, have fun together, cry together, and grow together.

so now here's my dilemma: that 3rd place i just described for everyone else in the preceding paragraph; for me is a 'work' place. i believe most readers know that in addition to being on staff at the church, i also work at the local middle school. so in one sense the church is a 3rd place for me, but i also find myself wanting to retreat to a 4th place. and i've already previously written about the tension between family time and work time. for me that '4th place' has take more the form of the individual activities; running or exercising, online surfing, or writing.

and i'm not the only one that's in this predicament. i've been on staff or leadership at several churches and have heard from various church workers similar stories. in fact one such worker voiced once what many of us have felt, when they told me they were actually glad that a particular program was ending because "they were tired of getting together" with everyone.

it's not that we don't believe in what we're recommending for everyone else. it's the fact that it's not that "3rd place" for us, it's more of a second 2nd place. now what i don't know is, would i still feel this way if i wasn't working at the school? if the church was able to be my only work place, would i be able to join a small group at our church and feel that 'it' was my 3rd place? or would i still feel 'pastoral' and thus in a 'work place'?

or maybe my issue goes even deeper. because as i look back on my life, i don't think i've ever had a "3rd place". i didn't have a group of 'best' friends that i hung out with every day; in high school or college. i don't think i ever 'fit' in or thought "this is my clan". i've hung out with lots of people, would even say i had many friends. but i don't think i've ever "been known" and "known others" in the sense that i've seen other have (and hope will develop in the small groups).

i've had plenty of opportunities to delve deeper. to share. to know. and be known. but i haven't for some reason. i've held back. as in this article, "of mice and myspace"; i've been living as a neatly edited, showcase version of me. have i fooled everyone? probably not. have i fooled most?? probably not on that one either. but i have a hunch that they've been satisfied with the version of me that i let them see. why?? i think because they're secretly afraid that if they 'call me' on it, then they'll feel obligated to reveal their 'true' self. and so, we continue to dance around each other. although to be fair to myself, i feel that this blog has been a bit of an outlet to being transparent.

and for me this is one of the reasons i'm choosing 'the acoustic life'; to find out "the why?" for me. and then to find my balance between 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place (and maybe the 4th, too). i really feel that this 'acoustic life' period for the next 3 months (who knows maybe longer) will be a defining time in my life. and i don't think it's an accident that it's happening the year that i'm 30.

so here's to being transparent . . .

my name is abraham lara. (i don't have a middle name)*
i'm 30 years old.
and always cry during hallmark commercials. (sometimes even ones i've seen a dozen times)


// today i'm thankful for:
1. wisdom
2. uncertainty
3. cell phones
4. being 30
5. having 4 little girls

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* my birth certificate says my name is abraham trujillo lara. trujillo is my mother's maiden name. i didn't like trujillo as my middle name because it didn't sound like any of my other friend's middle names; it sounded like a last name. so when i could (i think age 13 with my father's signature) i had it legally removed from my name. at the time, and i think a little even now, my mother felt a sense of rejection since i was taking her name out of mine.

it wasn't till i was much older (as in working at the middle school) that i learned that it was common practice in mexico for all kids to have their mother's maiden name as one of their middle names. (mexicans also have a tendency to have more than one middle name). had i known this would i still have changed it?? probably, my justification being, "we're not in mexico, and i wasn't born there either."

i did add include it on our wedding invitations though. most wedding invitations give the bride and groom's first and middle names. i put trujillo as my middle name. i think it made it up to my mom for having taken it out. but just to show that some people didn't see it as a middle name, many of our wedding gifts said congratulations to "Abraham and Deborah Trujillo". :-)

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detoxing from "the feed"

so it's been 1 week since we began our 'acoustic life' here in the lara household so i thought i'd write down how's it been going.

first off, technically we haven't moved to 'the boonies' and we do have running water. that being the case it's kinda hard to avoid media outlets/inlets. (especially when it was such an integral part of my/our lives beforehand.)

so yes, i haven't downloaded any new podcasts, in the last week; but i have been listening/viewing the 30+ i still had on my hard drive (i'm down to about 5). we haven't watched any TV in our home. we haven't watched any movies either.* in fact i have no clue what's going on news wise because i haven't visited any news sites in the past week either. so if a nuclear bomb has gone off i wouldn't know unless they mentioned it on 'klove'. (oh and the fact that everyone at school would be talking about it; so thus far no nukes) i've also not visited any blogs except my own which is unusual, since i have an rss feed that checks 20+ of them.** and i did also check a "mac rss feed" but only once this week (on friday). our church has been talking about getting a mac for the church and as "media" is part of my job description i've gotta keep up on mac related news. oh and as you may have noticed i did buy a domain name and pointed this blog to it "the acoustic life".

so although i've still been using my computer i have freed up 'tons' of time that i formerly used to just 'waste away' (did i just say that) doing nothing. so what have i been doing with that time?? well for one thing i've learned how to complete a rubik's cube. yes, it is possible to solve them without dismantling or taking the stickers off.*** the kids at school were totally amazed today with me solving it right in front of them.

but other than the rubik's cube, i've started to notice my kids more. they are my 'veg' out entertainment. i've noticed how much anna loves to write and draw. (during church yesterday she drew a picture of our worship leader. she must have realized it wasn't an exact portrait so she added, "it's joddi-jay as a kid". i've noticed what a tender heart danielle has and how much she absolutely LOVES her daddy. i've noticed how much julia loves to sing (i'm amazed at the songs she knows the words to at her age). and i've realized that late at night rachel is crying because she has an actual need and it's her only means of communicating with us. (she's not just being ornery and trying to keep us from sleeping).

i've also noticed that i'm not "shoo-ing" them away so much because i've got "to get stuff done."

well, deb's home from practice now (10.55 pm), i've gotta go.

oh, 2 more things. 1) i've started exercising again in the mornings. and 2) deb's new glasses came in and mine will be coming in a week or so.



//today i'm thankful for:
1. quiet
2. uniball 'signo' pens
3. picnics
4. kids
5. ozone (that's the smell 'after the rain', a molecule with 3 oxygen atoms)


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* and tonight was a real temptation to that resolve. deb is in full swing "sound of music" practices and performances this weekend and next. so i was on 'kid duty' for 5 out of 8 days this past week. anyways i was really tired and was really close to "sneaking a movie" to entertain the kids while i rested. but i didn't!

** to be completely honest i did check my sister's blog, simply because the kids of our church went to a "kid's conference" this weekend and i knew she'd be posting news from the weekend. and i wanted to check as a parent (anna and danielle were there) but it also was "work related" because i knew i could use the pics she posted in the church bulletin for this weekend.

*** i borrowed one from a student i'm tutoring in math and downloaded some instructions from the internet. i became so obsessed about solving it that even deb got hooked and we went and bought two at target on friday. i've gotten pretty good at it too. my record so far is 5 min 26 sec.

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better late than never??

ok, so it's taken longer than i anticipated, but it's finally here; my review of Off-Road Disciplines by Earl Creps.

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i was interested in this book because of having heard the author speak before in various settings. what kept me reading past the first pages was the same "examine-your-life" thought provoking challenges intermixed with down-to-earth witty humor that i was used to in his speaking.

what struck me most as an "X'er" associate pastor of a small town local church in the midst of change was something that wasn't explicitly stated in the book. the idea: "am i promoting 'churchianity' more than "Christianity". the book also gave me a fresh perspective on examining who i am, my motives for being in ministry, and the authenticity of my personal faith.

i did find that portions of the book seemed to be written by two "different earls". on one hand, there's the coffee drinkin, blog writing, 'hip' earl that purposely hangs out with "X'ers" and can be found at the Mudhouse. this part of the book is easy to read, filled with witty humor, and real life stories of people practicing what he's trying to convey.

on the other hand, there's the 'card carrying Boomer', seminary teaching, ministry experienced earl that has to purposely hang out with "X'ers" instead of fitting in naturally and can instead be found here. these parts of the book were very deep and insightful; but also 'heady', required more focused reading, and seemed to contain concepts written more towards people in ministry than the average Christian.

that part may be more a fault of my own than one of the book. i approached the book as if it 'remixed version' of the 'on road' disciplines i had grown up learning. to me the'on road' disciplines (bible reading, prayer, journaling, simplicity, etc., etc.) were written more towards Christians in general (newly converted or not) as a means of deepening their personal Christian walk. these 'off road' disciplines seem written more for ministry leaders as a challenge to rethink the motives and methods of ministering, both personally and as the 'Church', to people in today's culture.

in fact the whole book, seemed to be written more specifically to ministry leaders in the "Boomer" generation (which is logical since those would be the author's peers). as a just recently 'turned 30' year old, i enjoyed a lot of the material and was personally challenged as i mentioned before. but i just didn't feel he was writing to me specifically, it was more for an older generation to hear, "no one else is coming, so get ready to pass the baton!" (ch. 11)

so all in all would i recommend the book?? an emphatic "YES!" not just for "boomer" ministry leaders, but for any believer (we're all called to be a ministers) wanting to be more effective, purposeful, and authentic in their ministry efforts.

so go grab yourself a copy, read it with a teachable heart, and then go hang out with some of "the sought"!




// today i'm thankful for:
1. Nitro3
2. a date night with Deb
3. "theacousticlife.com" is working!
4. "Spring Break" is coming
5. it's FRIDAY!!!
--------------------------

quick update

i bought the domain name "theacousticlife.com" and so if you click on any of the 'previous post' links, or click on one of the "recent chatter" links it will take you to a "parked site by godaddy.com". (at least as of 8.10pm, wed. 3/14/07).

if i followed all the directions correctly then it should all be working within 48 hours from 3/13/07. so hopefully by thursday, certainly friday all should be well.

sorry for any inconvenience this causes. if it's not working by friday, i'll be sure to try to sort things out.



// today i'm thankful for:
1. rubik's cube
2. comfy couches
3. a great team
4. premium albacore tuna
5. quadrille ruled paper
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the acoustic life

and so it begins . . . for the next 3 months (90 days) the lara family will be living 'the acoustic life'.

for the next 90 days we will be living life mostly unplugged. that's right- no tv, no movies, no INTERNET, no podcasts, etc. in our home for the next 90 days! i say "mostly" because i will be on the computer for 'work' related tasks. (after-all i do manage our church's website, sermon and video podcasts, and shoot and edit our production videos)

so i'm not really sure how often i'll be checking email or even how often i'll be writing to this post (i've still got to talk to deb more). but one thing is for sure 'i WILL be writing'. in fact that is one of the things i'm looking forward to during this 3 month adventure; being able to have time to do all the things i put off doing. so i may write to and read comments from this blog on a semi-regular basis or i may not write at all until june. (in which case i'll probably have a novel ready to publish) what do ya think . . . is blogging 'work' related?

so we've taken the plunge. this morning i cancelled our cable tv and internet services and went and bought the whole family new pens/pencils and notebooks. so why in the world are we doing this?? well it started out as my idea. one day i was thinking that if i was going to have a family with fond memories of growing together it was going to have to be me as the dad that was going to have to create some of those memories.

so i sat down and started thinking of experiences and times of relating to one another in order to 'create' those memories. AND if any of this was actually going to take place then it was going to have to be 'on purpose' and put on the calendar.

i decided that each year we needed 4 "GRAND" events. these would be things that our family looked forward to every year and would be remember for years to come. this is what i came up with:
1/ "the Laras Winter Weekend" (every year over MLK Jr weekend) - a time to get away and either have fun in the snow or fun in the sun.
2/ "Cousin Camp" (yearly the beginning of the first week of april - 4days & 3nights) - this is an extended time for all the cousins to spend the night at our house. including games, outings, and complete 'snack shack'.
3/ "Single Mom & Dad Days" (3rd week in July) - for the first half of the week one of the parents stays home and plans 'special' times with the kids while the other parent gets to have a few days alone wherever they want! (budget permitting) then on wednesday we come back as a family and then the second half of the week the parents reverse. this not only gives the kids special memories they'll remember as the time "just with mom" or "just with dad", but also give each parent a yearly time to look forward to uninterrupted time alone!
4/ "Dinner & a Movie Week" (1st week in October) - for one whole week we will go out to eat EVERY night of the week and then watch a movie together; rented or in the theater.

these would supplemented by 'smaller' events such as:
1/ "one-on-ones" (various times throughout the year) - dates with mommy and daddy (at least 2 per year per kid per parent; so a total of 16 dates in the lara house with kids).
2/ "no electricity days" (1 every feb/may/aug/nov) - times to just have fun doing stuff that doesn't include electricity. i.e. live life like "little house on the prarie" (within reason, i mean we're not taking cold showers!)
3/ "media fast weeks" (every march/june/sept/dec) - a time to just clear our minds and not 'be conformed to this world'.

in addition to this we also planned in 3 times a year to have an overnight stay away from the kids for at least one night. this will happen in april/august/ and december. (in december it will be a couple nights since it's around our anniversary celebration) oh, and these are in addition to our 'regular' date nights, and 'family meetings'; each every other week.

oh, and we've put our money where out mouth is. we reworked our whole budget so that we are setting aside funds each month towards funding our wild and crazy fun. so when it comes time for 'cousin camp' we already have funds to cover the fun. and when it comes time for a "weekend together"; we have the funds to cover it. and so forth, and so forth.

so it all started as my idea for creating 'family memories' on purpose. but my idea was to only have it for one week every couple of months. but as deb and i talked more recently we felt that our whole family needed some "spring cleaning" in our hearts and minds. we were allowing tv, movies, the internet, computer games, etc to take up so much of our time. and on top of wasting time it was making us more irritable with each other and ourselves. so in true "Lara" fashion we decided to go all out and just take the plunge for 90 days!!!

feel free to call us, email (although you may not get a response very quickly via email), or 'send us a card' (what a novel idea).

we'll plug back in June 11th. until then, good night!

ps. be sure to tell us if the world ends! :-)


//today i'm thankful for:
1. paper
2. pens
3. books
4. words
5. life
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at least julia rachel was ready (updated)

[UPDATE: i fixed rachel's name in the title and in the post. (you'd think i'd know my own kid's names!!)
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so deb's been asking me for us to schedule getting a family portrait for a couple weeks now. so today i finally figured, "why wait? we got a digital camera!" so i (as lord of the manor) called everyone into the living room so that we could take a family portrait (no matter what everyone looked like at the moment - the 'casual' looking ones are my favorite anyway)

so here's our pics. we're finding it's harder to get 6 people to smile all at the same time.

these first four pics are all the same (our first pic), just at different zoom levels. (at least julia rachel was ready)


and then it goes down hill from there


and further


and then "what, eh?!?"


here's some more of the better ones:

// today i'm thankful for:
1. cameras
2. tripods
3. cable internet
4. typing skills
5. great 'desktop backgroud' pics
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20/20 hindsight, today (updated)

[UPDATE: i had forgotten to include the "today i'm thankful for" section, it's now included]
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there's those moments in your life that you look back on with 20/20 hindsight and think, "that was a defining moment in my life."

most of the time you don't even know that those moments will change your life, behavior, or world-view at the moment that they occur.

let me give an example. "once upon a time . . ." i was a substitute teacher in west valley and i was called to sub for an agriculture class ('01 or '02). prior to this i had heard that eating pork wasn't good 'because their dirty animals.' i mean, i wasn't eating their skin. but i didn't really believe it until that day.

that day i saw with my own eyes a pig eating it's own feces. this immediately made me nauseous and i quit all pork consumption immediately. (for about 2-3 weeks) for some reason that image burned in my head wasn't enough to rid me of "Pizza Hut's Meat Lovers Pan Pizza". a few weeks later i slowly started to start eating pork again. but every once in a while i saw in my mind THAT pig chowing down.

it wasn't until years later that deb and i read a book called "The Maker's Diet". (actually deb read all of it, i only read part of it) anywhoo . . . one of things the book mentioned was specific reasons why eating pork was bad for your health, the digestive system of a pig compared to say a cow, and other foods to stay away from. (shellfish - or "cockroaches of the sea" as they called them. bye, bye lobster, shrimp, clams, ect.) and it was in that moment that the vision of the 'poop eating pig' came back to my memory. and since then (feb '06) that i have not knowingly eaten any pork, or shellfish.

so for me it was the "knowledge" (reading the book) and the "experience" (subbing in west valley) that created that "defining moment" for me. i can look back now and realize that was the turning point for me. i didn't know it then, but i do know it now.

>>>>> fast forward to today (march '07) >>>>>

anyways, i feel like i'm in the middle of 'one of those moments'. this time it has to do with our church, and it's not really a moment but more of a season. and as i said it's happening right now, not in 20/20 hindsight. i "know" that our church is in a state of transition/change because of my involvement in leadership and as a staff member. but to me it seems like more than that.

over the last few years we've read books, listen to podcasts, and watched videos of people describing the change that took place in their own church/organization in 'the early days'. and now those organizations are thriving and have a working model to continue that success in the future. they describe the difficulties, struggles, and the 'staff differences' that need to be worked through. and that's where i feel we are right now.

over the past 6 - 12 months our 'core' staff has worked through a lot of issues individually and as a team. and we're still have a long way to go to complete our transition, but i have the sense that it's something more significant than what we know or even what we're actually planning. years from now when our ministry looks dramatically different than it currently does and we are trying to explain our success to others via books, videos, podcasts, or workshops; THIS is the time (Q3 '06 thru ?? '07 or '08) that we'll look back on as being the 'defining moments'. THIS will be our 20/20 hindsight. and the 'action' we take during THESE DAYS will be our character and fulfilled (or failed) dreams of tomorrow.


today i'm thankful for //
1. rachel's smiles
2. 'half days' at school
3. garlic bread
4. neighbor kids
5. comfy couches
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LOL [updated]

(UPDATE: added an brief explanation for my mom at the end of the 'quoted' story.)
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i've found this phrase somewhat ironic. because i've "IM'ed" with people, and been in the presence of other people "IMing" someone when we used the phrase, but didn't actually 'Laugh-Out-Loud'.

so why do we use that phrase. it then got me to think how i use the phrase. i use it when i'm online not ever when in person or on the phone. (it would be obvious to the other person if i was actually laughing out loud then) when i'm reading something that i respond via an email, comment, or IM. and since i don't usually laugh out loud when doing those things i write it when something is actually funny enough to elicit a 'mild chuckle' or maybe even just a 'slight grin'.

so then i started thinking why do i RARELY ever actually laugh OUT LOUD when i'm online. well sometimes because i'm in a meeting and shouldn't actually be doing/reading what i am (insert grin here). or sometimes because there isn't THAT much truly funny stuff on the web. now before you send me links of you favorite funny jokes site, or youtube videos, or any other gimick to make me laugh; let me just say, i've seen it. or if i haven't actually seen it, i've seen something like it. hmmmm, wasn't there this wise guy one time that said something like, "there is nothing new under the sun". [sarcasm intended]. and i've gotten so "used" to this stuff that it isn't really funny anymore. it's almost 'predictable' in fact. actually even the show 24 is becoming 'predictable' for deb and i. and this whole having-to-wait-through-commercials-and-a-whole-week-for-another-episode is just about enough for us to say forget the whole thing, we'll wait till the whole season's out on dvd. (ps. so keep it up mag).

anyways so it was truly refreshing for me to find this site "The Cleverest.com"; which had this story:

Monday, December 29, 2003

I think that blaming one of your less desirable genetic traits on the parent that passed it down to you is pointless. Let's use big ears as an example. If a guy has gigantic ears, he'll most likely blame his big-eared father for passing down the gene. But everyone knows that you have no control over which genes you pass down and which ones you don't. It's not the father's fault he has big ears. If anything, the dude should blame his mother for marrying the big-eared freak.

now that truly made me LOL. but they don't have a comments section, deb wasn't home to share it with yet, and i wasn't chatting with anyone, so i just had to share here. (oh, and mom, i don't actually think that of you or dad, or my ears for that matter. i just thought it was a funny story) :-P

// today i'm thankful for:
1. finding new gems on the net
2. deb's play practices are almost coming to an end
3. not running out of gas (in my car, not referring to 'me')
4. spring is coming!!
5. podcasts (below is a pic of the podcasts i currently subscribe to)

--------------------------

my wife is happy. [updated]

[UPDATE: fixed the station from 89.9 to 91.1 as suggested by a commenter. (thanks for the reminder mag)]
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in fact my wife is ALWAYS happy when this happens. she ALWAYS looks forward to seeing 'these people'. and she ALWAYS doesn't want it to ever end.

let me explain . . .


this coming monday is my in-laws (or in-loves, as my mom would say) 30th wedding anniversary. and we've just come back from a 'surprise' party that deborah put together for them. it ended up not being that much of a surprise since she told them about it, and those who were invited didn't keep secrets very well. but the 50+ people that came to celebrate were all glad that it happened.



anyways, the idea came to her about a month and a half or so ago when she was reading through proverbs and got to the verse about her "children rising up and calling her blessed" and was wondering if that would ever happen. as i remember it, she was having a particularly 'trying' day with the kids and didn't know if that verse would ever come true. * and then the thought suddenly struck her -- BAM -- that means that it's 'bout time she rose up and called her mother/parents blessed! what was she going to do to fulfill scripture in her parents lives.

so she realized that this 'just happened' to be the year that her parents were celebrating their 30th anniversary. so for the past month or so she's been making phone calls, writing emails, sending invitations, holding secret meetings, setting up lodging (for some), getting volunteers, setting a meeting place, etc., etc., etc. and she pulled it off. everyone that came had a grand time. they thanked her ad nauseam for putting together everything and how grateful they were to have a chance to get together.

now there's something you must know about deborah and her parents. deborah's parents met and were married at a commune called "the Christian House". (in fact they were married 2 WEEKS after going on their first date!) and then a year later deborah was born into this commune. and even though deborah was only 3 years old when the group split up, those people are some of the strongest bonds and 'family' that she has. the group looks for excuses to get together as often as they can. for many many years they would annually get together every 'day after thanksgiving' for a time to share thanksgiving again with their 'other' family.**

now i have a somewhat 'bitter-sweet' relationship with all these people. when we were first married and i was 'practically dragged' to this 'after thanksgiving' ritual i knew that i wasn't going to look forward to this day. to me they were living in the past, wishing for better days, and basically stuck in 1980 something. i resigned myself to pretending to put on a smile, feigning interest in any kind of conversation, eating casseroles and potato salad, and doing my best not to fall asleep in the name of "making my wife happy".

in contrast, in my family, i never grew up with that close knit network of friends and extended family. both my father and mother's side of the family lived in southern california and we in washington state. we'd visit them once a year around christmas time, and some of them we didn't get to see, if they weren't home at the time we went to their house. i remember longing to be like the "valnes clan". they would talk about having family reunions on both sides of the family just about every year. and would come back telling of all the fun they'd had.***

and 'now' . . . i'm the 'associate pastor' at our church. and one of my main responsibilities is to spearhead our church's 'small group' ministry. this is something that i've read, studied, seen glimpses of, and know is a vital part of our church's future. in fact i think it's crucial for anybody to live a successful life to not be isolated to themselves. anyways, another soapbox for another time.

so i've been struggling with the methods and strategies of how to get people into 'authentic and meaningful' relationships - "living life together" if you will. but i don't want it to seem forced, ritualistic, or worse seem like just another 'gimmick' to make a big hoopla in church; that ends up being a 'clanging cymbal'.

and so then i come to another of these "Christian House" get togethers and suddenly realize, "THIS IS IT!, THIS IS WHAT I WANT OUR SMALL GROUPS TO BE!!!" but how in the world do you get this kind of 'community' without having people live together in an old hotel for years at a time? how do you get people to love each other so much that they're willing to drive miles and hours away? (some even trying to arrange air travel from california to come to a 30th anniversary. i mean, its not even their 50th) how do you get 3 year olds to grow up and love getting together with her parent's best friends after decades of not being together on a constant basis?

and then how do you prevent it from becoming something that 'said 3 year olds' future husbands don't loathe? how do you prevent it from becoming a group of old foggies living in the past, wishing for better days, singing the old songs, and basically stuck in 2007 something?

or then again . . . maybe they're not?? maybe i'm just jealous? maybe they aren't stuck? maybe their love isn't bound by time, they simply resume where they left off? maybe they actually are all that i long to be? in fact if i were to honest with you, i would tell you that even while writing this post in the midst of all of them, my eyes have teared up more than once seeing the rich joy and deep bonds of friendship they share.

so deborah, i'm sorry for being a grumpy old fart. i'm sorry to everyone else who knows me that's had to put up with or make excuses for my anti-social behavior. and i'm sorry to everyone at "Christian House" that i've been too quick to judge before taking the 'plank out of my own eye'.

i started this post at 10.00 pm and now after clean up as we drive back home at 11.43 pm, my wife is happy.

and i think i'm beginning to understand 'why".


today i'm thankful for //
1. amazon.com
2. my 'ill' math skills
3. people i know
4. positive life radio; 89.9 91.1
5. having kids who know their cousins

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* like i said, it's as i remember the story. so deb if you read this and say it's not so, just remember it makes for a better story with my version.

** i think they became so important to deborah not because she remembers that much from 3 years old and younger (even though she says she does) but more so from these, and other, annual get togethers. where they would reminisce, sing the 'old songs', and basically catch up on life. i think she would hear their stories and what they told she used to be like and adopted their memories as her own.

*** tell me if i'm wrong, but i think mag that they are one of the reasons you're (and we're) so grateful to have our kids growing up so close to their cousins. and one of the main reasons i'm so excited to have "COUSIN CAMP"!

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whoa, what the heck??

ok, so i know i havn't written in a while. and haven't even attempted to in a long while so i'm not really sure how long my account has been like this. but i finally logged in today (3/1/07) to write something and i'm greeted with this:


after clicking on the link it took me to a page with this greeting:


although this was the 'second' time i clicked on the link so the first time it actually had a quick form for me to fill out have the-powers-that-be at Blogger review my site and show that i'm not a spammer.

anyways i have no idea how my site got tagged as a 'spam-blog' or if someone submitted as such via the "flag blog" button at the top; either purposefully or accidently.

well, since i'm not sure how long it will take to get this 'reviewed & resolved'; adieu and email or chat with me. (i know it's kinda odd to say those things since the only way you'll be able to read this is because the problem will have been resolved. but i just thought i'd let you know i was 'thinking' about writing. :-)



// today i'm thankful for:
1. the end of "The Ark"
2. 3 days off school next week
3. not having to deal with this.
4. chocolate cake with cold milk
5. married sex getting better and BETTER as the years go by! :-) (when you get your own blog you can be thankful for whatever you want)
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