praise junkie??

For the past ten years, psychologist Carol Dweck and her team at Columbia (she’s now at Stanford) studied the effect of praise on students in a dozen New York schools. Her seminal work—a series of experiments on 400 fifth-graders—paints the picture most clearly.

Dweck sent four female research assistants into New York fifth-grade classrooms. The researchers would take a single child out of the classroom for a nonverbal IQ test consisting of a series of puzzles—puzzles easy enough that all the children would do fairly well. Once the child finished the test, the researchers told each student his score, then gave him a single line of praise. Randomly divided into groups, some were praised for their intelligence. They were told, “You must be smart at this.” Other students were praised for their effort: “You must have worked really hard.

”Why just a single line of praise? “We wanted to see how sensitive children were,” Dweck explained. “We had a hunch that one line might be enough to see an effect.”

Then the students were given a choice of test for the second round. One choice was a test that would be more difficult than the first, but the researchers told the kids that they’d learn a lot from attempting the puzzles. The other choice, Dweck’s team explained, was an easy test, just like the first. Of those praised for their effort, 90 percent chose the harder set of puzzles. Of those praised for their intelligence, a majority chose the easy test. The “smart” kids took the cop-out.

The Power (and Peril) of Praising Your Kids -- New York Magazine

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i found this article recently and it got me thinking, a lot. could it be that we're doing more harm than good for our kids/youth (whether ours or those we minister to) with all this "praise"??

the whole article is a good read and well worth the time.

i've always felt kinda weird at school when in the name of 'political correctness' teachers can't tell a student that their answer is "WRONG" (when they are, of course). because after all you wouldn't want to bruise or damage the kid's ego. for those who know me, i'm not one to give out praise just to make someone feel better.

but this article got me thinking about the kind of praise i'm giving and in particular about the praise i give to my own kids. now i know that every parent considers "their" kid to be a genius and the smartest kid in town. but not every parent has my kids, and not every parent has Lara* kids! ;-) so my kids actually are the smartest kids in town.

and i've now been wondering if i shouldn't tell them so much. i'll be testing this out for a while and see what i find out.

anyways that's about it, i just wanted to share this insightful article. any thoughts??

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* at school my mom was a guest speaker for one of the classes i'm in because of the adversities she had to overcome in order to go to college. anyways, during her speech she mentioned that i learned how to read, write (in cursive no less), add, subtract, and do simple multiplication and division before i entered kindergarten. well now, when the students don't know the answer to a question and i'm pressing them to try again, they now give up with some comment like, "no, mr. lara i wasn't a genius like you when i was in kindergarten, i can't do it." they also know that our kids are homeschooled and presume that they must be child prodigies as well.needless to say my kids have good genes in them.

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// today i'm thankful for:
1. nutella (soooo, good)
2. the girls finally cleaned their rooms
3. daylight savings coming early this year
4. dinner with friends last night
5. great deals on sport coats (95% savings!!! i got two for $8.60!)
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PRISM results!

well it's finally the end of phase 1 of PRISM. it's been 6 weeks since i've had any white flour products, potatos, bread, sugar, desserts, or "comfort" snack foods like popcorn or chips. for the last six weeks i've limited my calories to 1300-1500 a day, or 1600-1800 if i'd exercised for 4 days of the week. i've also had to write down and turn in every thing i consumed and it's calorie amount.

my family's been great about helping me out. they would feel "bad" about eating things i wasn't allowed to in front of me. and danielle's been promising to make me cakes, chocolate chip cookies, and everything else chocolate when i'm done with prism and can eat it. she's so sweet.

was it the most difficult test of 'will-power' i've ever had to face? actually, no. it was the longest, but not the most difficult. actually the toughest was when in college once i worked at 'Boston Market' and i decided to do a complete fast (except for water). that was tougher. this was acutally just annoying. annoying because i think i went into the program with the wrong mindset. the program is promoted as mainly a 'weight loss' program, which it is. but it also goes on to teach healthy eating and what foods are good for your health, bad for your health, etc., etc. but the main part of the program was limiting calories. calories taken in vs. calories used equals weight gain or loss. which makes sense, and i can agree with that part. but i wanted to be able to make the choice about whether my calories came from healthy food or junk food.

but i obliged by all the rules and have gotten to this point. and i have to admit the results are good.

at the beginning of the program they had me weigh myself, take a picture, and take my measurements on various places on my body. (bicep, forearm, chest, bust, waist, belly, thigh, calf, and more, even down to the finger) so all in all here's what's happened to me.

weight dropped from 215lbs to 198lbs for a total of 17lbs of weight loss!!
and i lost a total of 17 3/8ths inches from my whole body.

here's the pics:
before:


after:


well there's 3 or 4 more phases of the actual PRISM cirruculm, but i'm not planning on continuing with the course. it actually gets better after the first phase, from what i've heard. it reintroduces the foods that it limited so drastically in the first phase. i'll continue my weight loss journey (i'm planning on dropping another 20-25lbs or so); but i'll do it through limiting my calorie intake and increasing my exercise, not by limiting my food choices.

(i have allowed myself one day (tomorrow: tuesday 2/20/07) of total 'indulgence' without regard for calories. i'll resume to a 1500ish calorie intake on wednesday)


// today i'm thankful for:
1. completing what i started
2. enjoying looking good
3. the taste of potato chips
4. connecting with my family
5. "cousin camp" coming up the first week of April
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the low down at 98930

it's been a while since i've given just a run down of the 'going ons' at the lara home. so, for those of you outside the 98930 zip code*, here's what's happening: (this is an excerpt of an email i sent to my sister)

// rachel's getting bigger by the day, and is now smiling on purpose (when she wants to).

// julia is talking soooo much now. she makes sentances, asks questions and if she's trying to tell you something she'll keep repeating it until you say it back to her so that she knows you heard her.

// danielle, who is asking to be called 'dani' now,be turning 5 on the 26th. i'm reminded of the cosby episode (yeah, 5!). oh and in case you didn't know, her and i will be going on a missions trip to mexico this summer. she's been reading lately too.

// anna is still such a smarty pants. she's been doing "nice things" for us lately (although they aren't really what we want necessarily- or she's 'only 6' so she doesn't do them quite right.) but it's the thought that counts i guess. like this morning she made me breakfast, cereal and bananas. except the milk is 2 days expired and we haven't thrown it out yet. but i ate it anyways, because my baby made it for me. and she was so proud of herself too.

// deb is going to be in the play "sound of music" with the Lower Valley Theater Company (or something like that). the play is at the end of march. she's been having play practice on monday and thursday nights. she's also trying to maintain a house with 4 kids who don't care about such things as maintaining a house. :-) oh and she's working on another project, but it's a surprise. and just in case the 'surpise-ee' is reading, i'll just say 'another project'.

// as for me, in case you didn't know again, i'm not the youth pastor at our church anymore. i'm the associate pastor. (ooohh sounds fancy, huh?) specifically my duties include leading/organizing small groups and i'm in charge of 'media' (which includes, bulletin, website, podcast, video stuff) i'm also trying to learn all the ins and outs of a new program called "quicksilver" (sorry mac-only) but it's really versatile. (kinda and app launcher, kinda search function, but a whole lot more.) oh yeah and i'm spearheading this trip to mexico in july. there are 8 people from our church going: 3 adults, 3 teens, and 2 kids (danielle and cathy).


// today i'm thankful for:
1. the amazing race
2. funny youtube videos
3. chocolate chip cookies (no i haven't eaten any jeannie) yet, tuesday's coming though! :-)
4. google earth
5. running again, after hibernation for the winter
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* no, i'm not paranoid some weirdo on the internet is going to find me. if they really wanted to, they could do that already with google - yes, even if you have a common name like smith or johnson. i could find YOU on the internet just by your name and the info you've given already. ;-) (email me if you have any doubts and i'll send you the link to the google search)

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far fetched ramblings 1 week before PRISM ends [updated]

[UPDATE: deb corrected me by telling me that Lisa's maiden name was 'Ecklund" and that her new married name was 'Kindleberger' - sorry Lisa. :-)]

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[disclaimer: in case you couldn't tell from the title sarcasm and silliness are fully intended here. don't be 'flaming' me because you might get offended] ;-)

contrary to the "fat slob" mental picture i have in my mind, skinny people sleep more! indulge me, and i'll explain . . .

the past few weeks i've had the hardest time getting out of bed. and for me this isn't normal. i'm usually quite a 'morning person'. i get my best thinking, working, and focus in the morning. part of that is because i'm 'made' that way; and part of it is because everyone else is still asleep and thus i'm not distracted.*

so i've been trying to peg the reason why i've been having such a hard time. ideally i like to wake up between 5 and 5.30am. this gives me plenty of time to exercise, get ready, have my devotional time, and check the web/email, etc. that doesn't always happen, but i usually get myself out of bed by 6.00am. (btw, i'm supposed to be a work by 7.15am) but recently i've been lucky to drag myself out of bed by 6.30, usually 6.50, and sometimes as late as 7.10!**

so what's been wrong with me?? i've had several theories.

1) i haven't regularly exercised during the winter because i like to go running, but it's just plain cold. so my body isn't producing the endorphins to give me more energy during the day. (i know, i know that's just an excuse and 'hardcore' runners would mock me for not being 'dedicated' enough; but i don't think i have very many 'hardcore' runners on this blog so i shouldn't get to much flack. and i could have just done a different kind of exercise inside, but i didn't)

2) the days are so much darker in the mornings during the winter time so it's harder for my body to 'naturally' wake up on it's own.

3) deb and i have recently been on a '24' kick and at times staying up very late to watch episodes. (but this shouldn't make that much difference since when i was waking up early i was still able to go to sleep around 11pm - 12am)

4) and finally i've decided on this final theory: skinny people sleep more.

for those of you that don't know, i've been participating in the PRISM program at our church and have lost around 16-17 lbs. in the last 5 weeks. (let the cheers and congratulations begin, although i'll still be working on losing another 20-25 lbs.)

my thoughts went like this . . . i figured that since i've been losing weight and also having a hard time waking up; the two were related. i thought that it was the "fat-sos" (i know not a very pc term) that were slothful and slobs and slept in all the time. but i had it all wrong . . . since fat people require more calories to maintain their weight, i figured, they had to wake up earlier because they were hungry already. and at night they were hungry so they had to stayed up later to eat. sounds logical, right? plus i had some proof to back up my claim. i was sleeping longer and i had lost weight. deborah likes to sleep and she's a sexy, skinny woman. and finally my sister LOVES to sleep (she'd sleep till noon everyday if she could) and she's a skinny as a rail. and then there's this article: ABC News: Lose Weight in Your Sleep

i told this far-fetched idea to deborah and she said i had it all wrong. she said that i had it all backwards. skinny people don't sleep more because their skinnier. they are skinnier because they sleep more. in her mind, she's much rather sleep than stay up, or get up to eat. so since she's in bed for more hours of the day she doesn't eat as much and thus is skinnier. fat people are up longer and thus spend their time eating more, thus more calories.

so . . . am i destined to a life of sleeping in? will i ever see another sunrise again in anything less than a size 40 waist? will it ever get warm enough for me to start running again?? are you skinny and a morning person? are you fat and a like to sleep in too? speak up tell me about your theories in the comments below!


// today i'm thankful for:
1. life as i know it
2. friends fulfilling their destiny
3. getting up at 6.30 this morning
4. quicksilver
5. sarcasm
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* i don't remember always being a 'morning person'. in fact i would have categorized myself as the complete opposite. it wasn't until i was in college and was 'killing' myself staying up normally till 1am or later and then waking up early for class that slowly my thinking changed. to be more exact it was a girl named Lisa Ecklund (if she ever reads this, i know your married now lisa but i don't remember your current last name). a group of friends invited her to some activities we were doing that evening, but she declined because she would go to sleep earlier in order to wake up early. i asked (read: teased) her later about, "why in the world do you wanna wake up so early for?" and she responded, "there's just SO MUCH of the DAY that you miss out on if you're still sleeping" i think i remember her going on to comment about how beautiful God's creation is in the morning as well as the focus, distraction-free work, etc. so i tried it.

** 1st period at school doesn't start till 7.25am so i have a little flexibility of when anyone will actually notice i'm not there yet. and i don't live far from the school, which helps. :-)

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haircuts

so recently i had been growing my hair out. i'm not exactly sure why. deb doesn't like it when my hair gets bushy but i really wanted to grow it out and see what i would look like. (i had it longer in college, but hairstyles are different now so maybe i'd style it different) oh and by the way when i say longer i mean over-the-ears and in front i can pull it down to my mouth; not really into shoulder length or more.

anyways deb had been pressuring me more and more to get a haircut. on thursday i was playing with julia at the time when deb was asking me so i turned to julia and said, "do you want to get your hair cut??" she quickly responded that she would. deborah retorted, "if you cut julia's hair, then you have to cut your hair." (actually she first said "no, that's my hair" as she picked julia up in her arms)

in my mind i thought, "hmmm . . . that's a small price to pay." julia's hair was always in her hair and i had wanted to give her a hair cut before anyways.

so deborah goes to play practice around 6.30p. i had taught the girls a new "dice & poker chips" game* (that i made up) during monday's practice and they wanted to play that again. earlier in the evening anna had made a comment that whoever won the game should get their hair cut. she's usually very competitive, but DIDN'T want to win tonight's game. but when it came time to play the game she forgot all about her previous statement and her 'competitive' side took over (does she remind you of anyone else you know that's competitive??)

anyways anna and julia both 'won' with the most # of chips**. at first anna was like, "YES! ! i won!" and then i said, 'you know what that means . . ." and she was like, "aahhh man, nooooo."

julia was still very eager to have her hair cut, and then danielle blurted out that she wanted her haircut too. which surprised me because earlier she was the most vocal about NOT getting her hair cut. anyways, all of them chimed in and wanted to get their hair cut.

so i cut their hair!
(now for those of you in shock, thinking, "what kind of father would even think of doing such a thing!? abe are you nuts! you're gonna traumatize your kids for life!" i want you to know that i did try calling a fantastic sams to see if they were still open. they were just closing; it was 7pm)

i was so nervous and excited at the same time. after searching the house for a pair of scissors (i began to wonder if deb had purposely hidden all the scissors) i ended up going to the church (next door) and borrowing a pair. (my sister was there and had no idea at the time what i wanted them for) i started by cutting my own hair because i didn't want deb to get here in the middle of me cutting one of the girls hair and for me to still have my 'bushy' hair.

anyways, yada . . . yada . . . yada . . . by now you just want to see the pictures! so here they are.

before:
danielle -


julia -


anna -


the piles of hair:


and now the new cuts!:
danielle -




julia -




anna -





so there you have it - that's my insanity! deb went to my sister's house after play practice before coming home. i had called my sister to ask if she had been there yet when we got done at about 9.30p and told her what i had done. so when deb got there we had a little video iChat and so introduced each of the girls to deb one by one. so deb had a little time (about 15 min drive) on the way home to think about what i had done.

she was a little miffed at first (as i anticipated) but she chose 'us' and keeping peace. (what a great wife i have!!!) i guess she figured there was nothing she could do about it now, it was already cut and lying in a pile on the floor.***

one last thing . . . i do want to tell you that as we were putting pajamas on for the evening before we had the video iChat with deb, i caught the girls down on the floor huddled in a group with their hands all together about to cheer "THE CUTER SISTERS!!!"


// today i'm thankful for:
1. grace
2. girls that love their daddy
3. a wife that forgives :-)
4. new smaller clothes!
5. my readers (thanks)

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* we each take turns rolling a single die. a 1, 2, or 3 gets you that number of white chips. a 4 gets you a blue chip, and a 5 gets you a red chip. if you roll a 6 you also get a red chip but then everyone else also gets a 'bonus' roll. everyone rolls together and only those people who have a # that matches someone elses get to receive the bonus chips. so if danielle rolls a 6, she'd get a red chip, then everyone would roll together. if on the extra roll, anna got a 6, julia got a 3, danielle got a 3, i got a 4, and deb got a 6 . . . then julia and danielle would each get 3 white chips for having matching rolls, deb and anna would each get a red chip and i would get nothing since i didn't match anyone else's. (a '6' on a bonus roll only means a red chip).

oh and one more thing 5 white chips are worth 1 blue, 5 blue are worth 1 red. (like pennies, nickels, and quarters) and you can trade whites for blues or blues for reds, whenever you have enough and feel like it. we'll usually play for a certain time limit (we set a timer) or for a certain # of rounds.

** there's no actual winner, i never set the parameters for winning. sometimes we count the person with the most white chips the winner, sometimes the most blue or red. sometimes we actually do the math and tally the 'points'. or sometimes we just count the person with the most chips regardless of color. (since julia was eager to get a haircut - neither anna or danielle were before - i set it up so that julia would win with the most chips overall. except that anna also had the same number of chips, so i thought it'd be fun to tease her a bit)

*** there was actually something else she could do and she did it. when i went to school the next day i came home for lunch to find that danielle and anna's hair had been cut even more! naturally i thought i was ready to change careers and get my license as a hair stylist. but deb didn't think that the longer hair of anna or danielle looked good (i liked the layers) so she cut the back on both of them. now they all look similar to julia and deb's haircuts. (i'll post those pictures later when i take them)

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to the young crowd [updated, x2]

[update: added a title, and i also added the "today i'm thankful for" section. i can't do that via SMS on my phone.]
[updated again to include links to t9 and leet for those who had no clue what i was talking about.]
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i've started using SMS(using now) and i was wondering . . . how do i get faster? is t9 text or leet best?


// today i'm thankful for:
1. SMS
2. the sunshine
3. beautiful daughters
4. iTunes free music downloads
5. the color green
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because i've gotten bored

this post will probably be quick and short and is primarily written because i've gotten bored at looking at the same post whenever i come to my own blog to check for comments!

i've been reading the NLT recently for my Bible reading. i was doing my devotional reading recently and came accross this verse:

"Listen to me! For I have important things to tell you.
Everything I say is right"
-Prov. 8.6

anyways it gave me a good chuckle. i know that this is Wisdom speaking when taken in context. but i couldn't help but think, it should be written on a card for all first time parents to memorize and repeat often to their chilren. i mean, "it's how we actually feel, right!? shouldn't we be transparent with our children and tell them how we feel."

:-)


// today i'm thankful for:
1. new blog friends
2. checking another "blog post idea" off my list
3. only 2 weeks left of Prism
4. strawberry smoothies
5. folded laundry
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communion sunday

well, hopefully you've been enlightened about 'the brighter side of computing life', called the Mac. but by the overwhelming response (wink, wink) of comments i can tell that it's time to move on to other topics.

i'd like to get your feedback on methods of taking the eucharist, communion, mass, the crackers and juice/wine, whatever you call it. i was sitting in church last month during our 'normal' time to take communion and trying to imagine what it would be like for a new person.

by the instructions we gave:
would they know what to do? why we're doing it? when to actually eat/drink it?

i've been to various churches before and each church does it slightly different, and some vastly different. so describe to me what your church does? how about churches you've visited? did you like it when you tried something new?

our current church serves communion every 1st sunday of the month. it has 'the elements' - some crackers and little cups of juice in some "communion" holders - up at a table in front of the sanctuary. when it's time for communion, the pastor calls for the board members (although sometimes when they aren't all there, other 'well respected' members are asked to help serve as well) to come up to serve the communion. they then go down the isles passing the trays up and down the pews where the people may take a cup and cracker. i don't think i've ever heard it stated but it's our custom to 'hold' the elements until everyone has been served. this is after the board members are done serving and then go back up to the front and wait for the other board members to be done and come up. at this time the pastor then takes a tray of the crackers and juice and personally serves each of the board members (or others that served). they then go sit down, and our pastor gives a brief devotional about the importance of communion in general or of each component, at which time we all partake of the elements together. (always the cracker first) then another short word about the 2nd element and then we down the juice. it's also interesting to note that although i've never heard it stated, our church also believes that communion is for all believers no matter what age. the key word is believers. according to scripture you could actually bring harm to yourself if you are not worthy. that's not to say that you have to recite certain prayers, be a certain age, or go through a membership class. you simply have to be a genuine believer in the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior. anyways, we are then expected to put the little empty cups in the cup holders in front of us and not play with them for the rest of the service.

(this is very similar to what i did in the church i grew up in, and being the good little boy that i was i took it upon myself to clean up after the service was over, by collecting all those empty cups and disposing of them. actually i really just liked making the biggest tower of little cups every month. at least bigger than my sister's since we were both racing up and down the pews to collect as many as we could.)

so that's what we do at my church. what happens at yours? is it meaningful, or simply a ritual? do you fully understand why it's done? what have you experienced before that was meaningful, or just plain weird to you??

okay, enough questions . . . (oh and “Get a Mac”) :-)


// today i'm thankful for:
1. the weekend a day away
2. a surprise date night for deb on friday (unless she reads this then it won't be a surprise)
3. i've been reducing weight with the prism diet
4. a clean house
5. paydays!
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